This doesn't taste like food...

This blog is several days (OK, two solid weeks) late, but I was actually back home for a while, and soaked up the wholesome goodness that is Berkley Michigan.

Thursday, November 15

We had a meeting with a tier customer on Thursday at about 2pm. We had about a 2.5 hour drive from our hotel to the customer, so we left some time around 9:30am, which allowed us plenty of time to grab a bite to eat and to strategize for the meeting. There was, in fact, no strategery at all. The meal was fairly typical, we had Korean BBQ with spicy duck (instead of super-fatty pork), and most of the standard side dishes - kimchi, cucumbers, mushrooms, sprouts, and other assorted vegetables. However, this meal promised a little added bonus, if just to remind us we were in a completely unfamiliar land.

The waitress brought out a small bowl of what I thought looked like peanuts drizzled with chocolate sauce, which of course was wildly appetizing. Unfortunately, upon further inspection, the peanuts had weird stripes and markings on them. Because, duh, they weren't peanuts - these were silkworm pupa, or the silkworm before it becomes a worm.

I was there with Tim Pearson, another ITW guy, and despite KB and YG's proclamations that these things were, in fact, very delicious (kids love 'em!), we protested. But, alas, will power is only a name in the phone book, and eventually Tim and I looked at each other and said, "When are we going to have the chance to do this again? Can we go back to the States and say we chickened out?" The answer is no, we did not chicken out. However, hindsight is 20/20, and as far as I am concerned we should have held our ground. It's not that these things tasted bad, it's just that I have no idea how to describe what they tasted like, other than "this is not what food is supposed to taste like." My question is, who was the first ever person to put on of these things in his mouth, and think it was tasty, and then gave one to someone else?

Unfortunately, because security is so tight wherever we go, I did not have my camera. Tim was able to find some travel blogs that do these little critters justice. Check out some pics:

http://www.blogjam.com/2007/06/28/silkworm-pupa-pizza/

http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000398.php

Very delicious, indeed.

I need a James Bond Camera...

...which would allow me to take pictures of some of the more interesting things in Korea. Unfortunately, since security everywhere is so tight, I was unable to get a picture of lunch last Thursday. We went to visit a potential Tier customer and arrived about an hour and a half early so we could have lunch and strategize. All pretense of doing any actual work was dispensed of, however, as soon as the various side dishes were brought out to accompany another meal of Koran BBQ (this time spicy duck). The side dishes included the usual items such as kimchi and assorted cucumbers, roots, mushrooms. The new twist this time - silkworm grubs. Apparently before the silkworm turns into a worm that makes silk, it is a grub - about the size and shape of a large bee. My colleague Tim and I (Tim has a pretty adventurous palate, moreso that some previous North American guests) looked at each other and kind of silently agreed that we couldn't leave Korea without trying them. I wasn't too impressed, and I don't really know how to describe what they tasted like. To be honest, they looked kind of like peanuts, so maybe I was expecting them to taste like peanuts, so I pretty much decided I didn't care for them. All I know is they tasted like something you probably shouldn't eat, as in, "ugh, that didn't taste like food, I won't do that again."

So now I am sitting in the beautiful Ginny's apartment in Chicago waiting to go home. I've had a good, if not jet-lagged, visit in Chicago these past few days, but I am definitely ready to head home. Trip of Brother Rice and U of M fame is driving me home, bless him, since I kind of got stranded here (initially I was supposed to meet family here, but that fell through, and then as it turns out there is not a single rental car available anywhere in the city of Chicago). It's cold, rainy, and extremely windy, and I couldn't be happier to be back in the States! Right now we are thinking much of our activity in Korea can be managed from the US, so I have no immediate plans to go back, at least not for an extended period (maybe a week or two at a time). For now, I am enjoying my full week off of work, and can't wait to veg out with the fam and friends.

Dinner with Them Duke Boys

The previous post aside, I must confess that weekends in Seoul are usually time well spent. At this point, I think Mr. Hurr considers me his infant son, since he takes me on trips to places like the zoo.

However, Friday night last week was all grown-up activity. Two of the top Hyundai purchasing guys for Chassis (the guy who signed our letter of intent for this whole project and his boss) had heard through the grapevine that the ITW guys were doing a good job and working very hard at the R&D center, so they invited us to a fancy dinner in Seoul. We got all gussied up in our best suits and ties from TJ Maxx (what?) and headed out.

ITW guys arrived first, and stretched out on the floor, since that's where you sit at these places - at this point it was me, Paul, Tim, and KB. Mr. Hurr, Ms. Kang, and YG had not yet shown up. Hyundai guys were the next to arrive. The conversation went something like this:

KB (introducing the first guy): Mac, this is Deputy General Lee, you met him during our first purchasing meeting back in September.

Mac: An-nyeong ha-ssea-yo, Mr. Lee, it is nice to meet you.

Deputy General Lee: Ne, and how are you?

KB (introducting the second guy): Mac, this is General Lee, he is Deputy General Lee's boss.

Mac: An-nyeong ha-ssea-yo, Mr. Lee, it is nice to meet you.

KB: Oh no, you should call him General Lee, not Mr. Lee.

Mac (with visible excitement): It is very nice to meet you, Generel Lee!

I am not sure what it says about me, since I skipped right over the Civil War reference and immediately in my head began referring to the two Lees as Dem Duke Boys. This made dinner infinitely more enjoyable, since every time I looked their way I envisioned one of them sliding across the hood of an orange muscle car.

This, I assume, was helped throughout the night by the two bottles of very smooth and likely expensive scotch whisky that they brought as gifts. After the introductions to the bane of Hazzard County law enforcement, Deputy General Lee produced a 17-year old bottle of Chivas. We respectfully poured whisky into shot glasses for everybody (there is no ice, there is no water, this is KOREA, dammit, we drink it strong!) and had a sip, and indicated our appreciation. However, as Mr. Hurr (Dad) had not yet arrived, we decided to wait before really getting going.

A few minutes later he did arrive, shook hands with everyone (he already knew the Hyundai guys), and proceeded to down his previously-poured shot without any real ceremony - no "thanks," no "cheers," no real acknowledgement at all, nuthin'. Just chugged and put his glass down. This happened at least 4 more times in the next twenty or so minutes, and the bottle was easily drained, and so we ate (Korean BBQ, but not pork, it was beef this time, and it was exceptional).

The real excitement came when Deputy General Lee produced a second bottle of whisky, this time 21-year-old Ballantine whisky.

Paul and Mr. Hurr showing off.

Again, very good stuff, and we dispatched of it in a hurry, but not before the light show. We were lubed enough for the Koreans to start telling stories, and it came out that when Mr. Hurr's old company was purchased by ITW, they celebrated by drinking flaming shots of whisky. The obvious next step here was to get a lighter from the waitress and start setting our drinks on fire. Mr. Hurr, after some effort, managed to drink the contents of his glass without setting his face on fire, but the interesting thing was that when he put the glass down, it was still aflame. Methinks there's been a lot of practice here. After he was done, since he was sitting right next to me, he reached over, grabbed my goatee, and announced it was my turn. I politely but sternly declined. Not to be outdone by a supplier, General Lee performed his own spirits-on-fire tricks.

Mr. Hurr setting the table on fire for the second time out of two weekends that I've been with him. Both were accidents, but the first was more enjoyable, since the waitstaff noticed that our super-fatty pork had caught fire and that it was starting to rage out of control. We had damn near the whole restaraunt batting at our grill to put out the flames, but not before ashes covered the place.

Deputy General Lee, setting up Atomic Bombs (soju in beer) for everyone, via the Dominoes Method. Yes, we're all professionals here.

I swear, we do more here than just eat and drink. I can just never remember what it is.

Time to Update...

Well, the last week has not exactly been overflowing with excitement, other than I am for the most part very bored while at work, and spend most of my free time reading. Namyang is just that uninteresting. I have made a handful of new friends around here, including Scott, a shaved-head sporting, Harley Davidson T-shirt wearing, no-punch-pulling Texan who was here for a week. I'm kind of a big scary guy with my goatee, he was king of a big scary guy with a goatee, it was inevitable.

Scott and I had a fun little sympathy session outside of the elevators a few days ago. The good news is, misery loves company. Scott works for a company that does rapid prototyping. I don't exactly know what this means, but I do know that he finished setting up his machine at the R&D center around 1pm that day, got it running, debugged it, and announced he was heading back to the hotel so he could catch up on some other things and get back into his computer (recall, they tape up all the data ports on your laptop). Alas! His contact, quite upset with this statement, told him that no, he was not allowed to leave, he had to stay to do his work. Scott indicated that his work there was done, that all he would be doing is watch the machine run, so it was better for him to go back to the hotel. He was summarily told, without exception, that he was to sit and watch the machine until 5pm, just the like the rest of us. So he did what any red-blooded American would do when faced with such a situation: he put a chair in front of that machine, leaned back in it, put his feet up, and took a nap. Eventually his stubborn behavior won out in the end, and he was 'allowed' to leave half an hour early.

Of course, when he asked how long I was here and I told him since September, he just shook his head slowly and said "you poor bastard."

So the good news is, I'm not alone. The bad news is, if I don't have it worse than anyone else, I apparently have it longer than anyone else. Suffice it to say, I get on an airplane on Friday morning to come home for Thanksgiving, and I am already packed.

The Irish are Taking Over the World

Perhaps you thought the imperialistic American military machine was trying to take over the world. Or perhaps the wily Japanese, what with their sleek cameras and reliable automobiles. Or maybe it's just Wal-Mart (yes, there's a Wal-Mart here in Seoul). But no, the Celts and the Gaels are slowly, silently, and slyly stamping their seal on every corner from Dublin to Chicago to Seoul.

What to do as a jet-lagged American on a 36-hour holiday in Seoul during Autumn? Find an Irish pub called Dublins and explain to your Korean host the meaning behind the Orange and the Green, St. James' Gate, harps facing to the right vs. harps facing to the left, and enjoy a Guiness or two (two, in my case). They even drew a shamrock on the head! Well played, Korean guys!

I thought it was just an American, thing, the Irish Pub. Every crappy little town near the D has at least one "Authentic Irish Pub," which somehow is supposed to be distinct and unique and fun. It's to the point where one must assume that every American bar is actually an Irish bar. It takes me about 75 seconds to walk from my front door in Berkley to "The Blarney Stone." There is also "O'Tooles" in Royal Oak. The D has The Old Shil and, less famously but much more interestingly, the Tipperary Pub, on the Northwest side - you can see it driving south on the Southfield. Beemerham has Dick O'Dows (the entire interior was imported from Ireland); Ann Arbor has Conor O'Neil's. It's like an epidemic; I just didn't realize it was a MOVEMENT.

Back to World Domination. The Irish have slowly but surely penetrated every major market with their guile, and it's only a matter of time before the harp becomes the official musical instrument of South Korea. Viva al Celtic Tiger!

You know how sometimes bars or restaraunts will tack articles about themselves to their walls? This place was no exception. The Korean proprietor, according to the article, has tried to recreate the Irish (or at least the North Atlantic) experience at the bar. He explained that most Koreans will drink until they can't feel their legs (take it easy, soju), but they'll do it in the company of only those few folks they showed up with. There is no social interaction outside of the group with which one arrives to the bar.

Mr. Proprieter is evidently quite Worldly, and was quite taken with the open social interaction that takes place within Irish and British pubs. One hundred strangers can enter an alehouse in Dublin, watch one soccer match, and leave the pub as best friends. He evidently wants to recreate this same sense of cameraderie within the confines of Seoul. Alas, if only we had a soccer match to watch. I was instead forced to endure a Britney Spears-a-thon. This actually wasn't so bad for me, since they were showing all her videos, before she got, um, socially awkward. I didn't see any Koreans making new friends, but neither did I see that the bar was chock full of Westerners; it was definitely Korean-dominated, which was kind of fun, since with a name like Dublin's I expected it to be full of Americans, Canadians, Australians, and other Westerners. Let's hear it for breaking down ethnic barriers!

Oh yeah, a Guiness at Dublin's is 16,500 won, which is roughly US$18. That's one pint. We won't be going back.

Autumn Blossoms in Seoul

Help!

OK, I need some help. This is really directed at Chi Basson, if you are actually still reading this. My grizzled mug now adorns the top of this blog, but it's entirely too big. I just can't figure out how to make it smaller and more manageable. Thoughts? The picture is actually from a camping/fishing trip that Eric Leigh and I took this past summer. We went to Craig Lake State Park in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. This was a pretty phenomenal trip, although the fishing was nowhere near as good as Eric led me to believe.

Nothing real exciting has happened in Korea the last couple of days, save for lunch today. I made the mistake of letting Mr. Hurr order for me, and what arrived was an excruciatingly spicy broth filled with noodles, shrimp, oysters, clams, some other shellfish I didn't recognize, and the piece de resistance, a whole octopus. The server severed the tentacles from the, uh, torso (?) with scissors, and I was totally going to eat the thing, but when I tried to pick it up with my chopsticks a bunch of gooey purple fluid squirted out, and I was no longer hungry. No cajones, I suppose. My only real regret is that I did not have the foresight to snap a pic of the thing before she hacked it up. Oh well.

Speaking of pictures, I tried to get some more up here, but I keep getting errors, so it will have to wait for another time.

Vazeny pan premier Slovenskej republiky, Robert Fico, VITAJE

Loosely translated, I think the title means "All hail President Scroob!" Actually, it's Slovak, and welcomes the Prime Minister of Slovakia Robert Fico to the Hyundai R&D Center, since he was in town for a tour today. Turns out Hyundai has what sounds like a State-sponsored manufacturing facility there, which somehow led to the PM visiting today. I have officially been within 100 feet of a head of state. Not even remotely thrilling, and somewhat annoying. I have begun to go for walks twice a day when we are at the R&D center, it's about the only exercise I get over here, since by the time we get back to the hotel it's dinner time, and then it's time for conference calls back to North America. Anyways, we were not allowed to leave our building from 2pm - 5pm, so I figured I would take my walk a little earlier than usual, at about 1:30, giving me 15 good minutes to get the blood flowing and plenty of time to avoid any unnecessary international incidents. Alas, my coworkers freaked out because I disappeared and was outside when I shouldn't be, so I got a frantic phone call about my present whereabouts. I explained coolly that I didn't have to be back in Cell Block 3 for 25 more minutes, but this didn't go over well. So while I didn't get to finish my walk, I did get the fun roller coaster ride from "happy to be walking" to "mildly annoyed" to "indignant" to "righteous anger," all within the span of about 7 minutes. Clearly my American individuality was bubbling to the surface. I wanna be a cowboy!

So Tired...

My mind is not functioning properly right now due to lack of sleep, jet lag, and frustration, so I am going to post some pictures from the Dances with Dirt Race from September. I know it's late, but this is all I can muster right now...

Coach Mike and Maddie, our inspiration on the way to Hell, MI. About a million years ago I fed this pug pieces of hot dog under the table at Holly's parents' cabin. Mike and Jen hate me for it, but Maddie loves me. I'm like the uncle that teaches your 8-year-old how to make fart noises with his armpit: for the most part harmless, but a general nuisance nonetheless.

This is me after the "Where's the F'n Bridge?!?" leg. My shirt started out completely white. I accidentally left this shirt, these shorts, these shoes, and these socks in Coach Mike's truck after the race and then went to Korea. He was kind enough to wash everything for me, and to my knowledge has not yet thrown it away. I probably would have tossed it out the window on the way home, but he's a more patient man than I am.

Sarah (Dirty Damsels in Distress) and Brent (Team Toast), Aaron's dirty friends. They're not normally dirty (at least not to my knowledge), but they did get to run this same leg of the race, and both came out equally filthy. Brent actually has a pretty sweet mud sideburn by his left ear, though you can't see it well in this picture. It's like Shaq Fu!

Jen and me coming across the finish line. Special thanks to both Coach Mike (Team Toast) and Coach Aaron (Team Dirty Damsels) for making, I mean LETTING, us do the last legs of the day. What you can't see in this picture is everyone else drinking beers and having fun. What you can see is Cathy (with the sweet headband) with the Dirty Damsel in Distress mascot, the world's largest doll, which had been gagged, hog-tied, and strapped to the grille of Cathy's H3 SUV. It was, um, distrubing at best.

And finally, a photo of the Dirty Damsels and Team Toast, less two members who had to leave early.

14 Hours is a long time to spend on a plane...

Today I traveled back to Korea from Chicago. The Korean Air flight was MUCH better than my previous flights on Northwest; I wonder how much domestic business they do within the US? I forced myself to stay awake on the plane so I can sleep tonight, and I am running on fumes, but wanted to drop a few lines.

I am finding more and more that the image of the Ugly American, while wholly valid, is by no means unique. I am finding that the Ugly Korean exists as well. I don't mean to complain or sound negative in everything I write, but come on, happy things just aren't as entertaining.

Case 1: Korean family existing of mom, dad, and bawling toddler daughter. I think this child cried for 12 of the 14 hours on the plane. I do not fault the child for crying (although I don't think there's a jury in the world that would convict me for throwing her out the door of the plane). I do, however, fault mom and dad, who clearly do not know how to handle a crying baby.

Case 2: The more interesting case. Two ancient Korean women sat behind me on the plane. I mean, two days older than dirt. I think they both felt that the back of my seat was actually a safety handle they could grasp every time they wanted to get up. It was like a kid grabbing onto my chair and shaking it vigorously. However, my favorite event occurred shortly after I managed to finally fall asleep, as one of these ancient women, on her way back to her seat, grabbed my seat back (with my sleeping head on it), shook it to wake me up, and then babble on in Korean about how I was in her way and she couldn't get to her seat (or at least this is what I interpreted from the body langauge). I mean seriously, who shakes a sleeping stranger and starts yelling? And are we really looking for an international incident?

Women. Can't live with 'em...pass the beer nuts.

Survey Says...Dehydration!

Well, I've had a pretty good week back in the US of A. It is kind of selfish, but I wanted to spend my 30th birthday with friends and family. I want to specially thank Aaron and Eric for letting me celebrate at their house (and watch some sweet, sweet U-M football). Good thing I was falling asleep by midnight - cut it out, middle age.

Special note to those who may have international travel in their futures: drink lots of water on the airplane. I got back to Detroit on Friday last week. Tuesday of this week I had a conference call, and halfway through I noticed I was very light-headed. Eventually the room started spinning, I broke out into a sweat, I got all kinds of nauseous, and my vision got real spotty, like right before when you faint. Fortunately, Cindy from work walked by the office, and I grabbed her to make sure someone knew I was in trouble. I sat on the ground while she finished the conference call for me ("Mac can't talk right now, he's going to puke in the trashcan"). What followed was clearly a highlight of my career, as a veritable parade of coworkers and managers came in to see what was going on. I'm laying on the ground trying not to fall of the face of the earth (which was spinning quite rapidly at this point), and everyone in the office swings by to see what's up. Wonderful.

Anyways, Tank and Aaron took me home (didn't take much arm-twisting to get them to leave the office), and I fell asleep on the sofa from about 2:30 - 7pm. I went to the doctor the next day, and she concluded that I probably was suffering from dehydration. Hmm, since boarding the plane on Friday, I ingested Tylenol PM (antihistamine), beer, wine, cookies, onion rings, burgers, coffee, and all kinds of other non-healthy fare. No wonder I didn't feel good! The doc took my blood pressure and pulse when I walked in the door, then made me chug about 60 ounces of water, and took the readings again. Both vitals improved, and I'm feeling much better now. Turns out I'm suffering from being a dumbass!

I leave again for Korea tomorrow (Sunday), and will be chugging as much water on the plane as possible, so as to avoid a repeat performance. For the time being, however, I am going to enjoy a cool if drizzly Chicago day with Ginny, watch some more Michigan football, and get myself psyched up for 14 hours on a Korean Air flight.

Cheers

Pictures

My passport and Korean at a Glance. Utterly, totally, useless. Favorite joke in Korea, and indeed worldwide?

"What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bi-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks one language? American."

Sungnyemun, aka Namdaemun, aka the Great South Gate, the last remaining vestige of the impenetrable wall that once protected your city. What to do with it in the 21st Century? Turn it into a shopping mall, of course!

An enormous mural of a dragon on the roof of the arch at Namdaemun; there is another dragon that wraps around this one. I had to lie on my back to get this picture, pretty much in the highest foot-traffic area on the block. "Everyone stand back, ethnocentric American with a camera and an agenda!" Tourists.

Mmm, Korean barbecue. Hunks of the fattiest pork I've ever seen, cut into 2-inch squares. Careful of the bones in there, Yankee. If you crack a tooth, there are no dentists in Namyang.

Mr. Hurr and me standing in front of a Buddhist temple at Bukhansan. Or a convenience store. I'm not sure which.

How NOT to get back to your hotel in Korea

I am printing 30 copies of the Metal Threaded Fastener Training that I will give to about 30 engineers tomorrow, so I've got some time to write. Getting around in Korea is in theory very easy; Seoul has a veritabe spiderweb of a subway system, and you can get from the station from our weekend hotel to Bukhansan National Park for some drunken and ill-advised mountain climbing, about 20 miles away, for about a buck and a half. Telling a cabbie to take you back to your hotel, however, is a different story.

I am staying during the week at the Rolling Hills Hotel in Namyang, which is really more of a dormitory for Hyundai employees and suppliers, so it doesn't show up on hotels.com or any other website, no matter how many different ways you spell "Namyang" or "Rolling Hills." The address on the stationary is 4-21 Hwal-Cho Dong, Hwa-Sung Si, Gyung-Gi Do 445-150, Korea. Sounds innocent enough, right? 4-21 Hwal-Cho Dong sounds like a street address, Hwa-Sung Si sounds like a city or town, Gyung-Gi Do sounds like a county or region of some sort (like a state in the US, perhaps), and 445-150 sounds to me like it's analogous to a zip code. Korea is obviously the country. Not so fast, my friend. From the Lonely Planet series of travellers guides, on Korea:

"...In Korea, an 'address' exists in nam only. There are almost no signts labelling street names. Indeed, most streets do not have names at all. Nor do houses have numbers on the outside, although every house does have an official number. Unfortunately, these 'secret numbers' mean little - numbers are assigned to houses when they are built, so house No 27 could be next to House No 324. Many larger buildings have names - knowing the name of the building will often prove more useful than knowing the address."

What does this mean to me? In Namyang, not much, since KB or YG drive us wherever we want to go (although the only places we go are the R&D Center and the hotel). In Seoul, however, if you find yourself at Namdaemun Market and you want a taxi back to the GangNam Best Western, the address on the stationary will elicit little more than an exasperated look from your cabbie. And no, saying "GANG...NAM...BEST...WESTERN" real loudly and slowly does not help - they're not deaf. The address just means nothing to them.

What to do the first time in a cab? Hope for the best. The second time? Realize that your hotel is near the Kyobo building and across the street from the Novotel Hotel and also near the Ritz Carlton; most cabbies know about these hotels and can get there. So if you are north of your destination, tell him you want to go to the Novatel, and make sure he turns left near the Kyobo building (I think you can probably see the lettering on the side of the building from space).

Also realize that Mr. Hurr has terrible handwriting, and his chicken-scratch directions he told you to give to the cabbie are just as useless as circling the Best Western logo on the stationary about 50 times.

Time for Sit-Ups

Seriously, who goes to Korea and gains weight? Apparently this guy. Lunch at work yesterday? Oh yes, a spoon of mashed potatoes, a hunk of fried chicken, and a huge piece of pizza (with ALL the toppings, pepperoni, mushrooms, onions, peppers, black olives, way too much cheese, pineapple...mmm, pineapple and mushroom pizza...). This was all washed down with a Coke and a smile.

Typically Koreans do not have a drink with the meal (at least at lunch, it seems). There is a big ol' bowl of soup, and you can drink that, thankyouverymuch. So the Coke was quite a novelty yesterday. In the cafeteria at Hyundai, as you are exiting you can get a small glass of whatever tea is available in these huge steel drums. Today's was citron tea (apparently a citron is a Chinese lemon. See what you learn when you travel abroad?) Yesterday was cinnamon tea, and it pretty much tasted like they blended a Cinnabon at the mall and steeped it in some water. VERY SWEET. We've also had plum tea, iced tea, hot tea, ginseng tea, and some sort of tea that clearly was made from Mexican insanity peppers because it was the spiciest thing I've put in my mouth since we got here.

Oh yeah, today's meal, in addition to curried rice and yet more pickled orange roots (ah yes - turnips, I remember now!) included a great big custard-filled, chocolate-topped Boston creme pie style doughnut. This big boy won't be able to fit into his pants.

Sorry all the posts are about food, when we are in Namyang nothing exciting happens (other than I had a scare with the Blue Screen of Death with my computer today), and nobody wants to hear about work (and I don't want to type about work), so that is what we get.

Oh, since we can't take cameras into the R&D center, I included a picture from the vending machine in my hotel room my first night here. Mmm, nothing sounds better than squid roasted in butter in a personal hotel room vending machine at the scary-ass Hotel Air Park in Incheon, Korea (only 4000 won, or about US$5!)

I can't think of a clever title right now...

"An-neong ha-ssea-yo?" Loosely translated, this means "You Doin' OK?" In Hangeul (Korean). The answer is "Ne," ("yes") pronounced "nay," which of course has the exact opposite meaning of what we are used to. Korean is, for Westerners, a fairly difficult language to speak, let alone learn, but at least some words are easy: the spelling for 'guest engineer' works out to G-U-E-S-T E-N-G-I-N-E-E-R and sounds like "guest engineer." Easy!

I am, at least nominally, a Guest Engineer of the Hyundai Motor Company (and, by extension, the Kia Motor Company), working as a Total Fastener Engineer. I was chosen from what may or may not have been a small short list of potential candidates to represent ITW for the duration of this project. Since I am a fan of the Simpsons I will make reference to many things in pop culture but withold explanation. This being said, I was under the impression that I was going to be some sort of Space Monkey, shot into the great unknown, but lately I am thinking a more apt analogy would be that of the guinea pig, or, since I am also a fan of primates in general, a lab monkey (each day reaching closer to "screaming lab monkey").

So I initially intended to log a post daily, but due to various factors (a penchant towards idleness, jet lag, 17-hour work days, and a penchant towards Hite Beer being some of them), I have not. Rather than go back and try to reconstruct a log of the past month of my life, I will instead keep a log going forward, and sprinkle in fun stories from the first several weeks as time permits. But first, I should probably explain in more detail why I am here.

My company is among the world's largest fastener manufacturers, automotive-related or otherwise. We have a vested interest in expanding our business to include what we refer to as New Domestic automotive companies, i.e. foreign-based automakers that have manufacturing facilities in North America, making vehicles for sale in the North American market. I suppose this could include Mercedes and BMW, but since in the fastener world volume means everything, this really means Toyota, Honda, Nissan, and Hyundai. [I will leave the discussion about what it means to "buy American" for another time, but I do find it humorous that while American companies are racing to outsource work to Low Cost Countries (LCCs - please forgive the automobile jargon, but this is how I talk now) like India and China, many foreign companies are setting up shop in places like Tennesee, Alabama, Georgia, and Kentucky.]

In 2006, we tore apart a Hyundai Sonata and created an excrutiatingly detailed list of suggestions to remove cost and improve quality, and presented to Hyundai. This must have garnered some attention, because at some point they invited us to come to Korea to be guest engineers at their R&D facility in lovely Namyang, about an hour and a half south-southeast of Seoul. We are expected to offer our fastener expertise to derive new and innovative ways for Hyundai to assemble their vehicles, from a fastener standpoint. So I got on a plane and (many, many hours later) arrived in Seoul.

Most of the work itself is rather mind-numbing for anyone who does not work in the automotive industry, and so this journal will (hopefully) not dwell on our day-to-day engineering activities, unless there is some interesting or humourous story to tell. Today, for example, was rather uneventful - we got up, went to the R&D center, sat around, talked to a couple of engineers, and returned to the hotel. Alert the presses!

One thing I want to do is document the food situation, since this is definite fodder for interesting and amusing stories for insulated Westerners. For the most part I will describe only the Korean cuisine, since no one wants to hear about the Cliff Claven bar I had for breakfast (I call Clif Bars Cliff Claven bars, I'm not sure who first coined the term, but I like it, and sometimes my friends and co-workers refer to me as Cliff Claven, since I am full of useless knowledge and full of a desire to share it. Why read so much if I can't regurgitate it in an effort to portray myself as informed and intelligent? If I don't run my mouth, I might as well just sit and watch TV all day). A few recent items:

Cuisine Update: I asked YG Kang (our Korean Technical Sales lead for ITW) if the food we get in the Hyundai cafeteria is good food by Korean standards (we Americans are of course for the most part unaware of what might be very good Korean food and what might be very bad Korean food, as we have nothing to compare against, at least not yet), or if it was, in his opinion, lousy cafeteria food. He assured me that yes, it was indeed lousy cafeteria food, and should not be considered haute cuisine by any stretch of the imagination. I liken it to the kind of cafeteria food we would get at, say, a hospital - better than gas station food, but not quite as good as the food you would get at a college dormitory cafeteria (everything is relative).

So as not to dwell on every meal, some of the highlights are as follows:
1. Lunch with Mr. Hurr (head of ITW Korea) in Seoul on September 21 included Korean BBQ but with eel instead of three layer pork. The eel was very good, it had the consistency of fish but not really the taste, and there was a wonderful semi-sweet red sauce for dipping. The interesting part was when they brought out the spine of the eel which had been cut into 4-inch strips, fried to a crisp, and then presented before us. I just couldn't do it, my palate is somewhat adventurous, but the idea of spinal cord and the associated fluids just put me off.

2. Hyundai cafeteria meal yesterday included fish on a stick. Not fish sticks, mind you: this was fish (we asked YG what kind of fish; he read the label and concluded there was "no information" as to the origin of this treat) that was processed beyond belief, breaded, deep fried, and shoved on the end of a pretty heavy duty piece of wood, then vacuum-sealed for freshness, and finally heated with love by Korea's answer to Lunchlady Doris and dropped with a plop onto our plates. This absolutely had gas station food written all over it, but seriously, how is this any different than chicken nuggets, outside of packaging? It had the consistency of a corndog, and a vague fishy smell, which was truly the only indication that this wiggly, hot-dog shaped delicacy started out as animal. My only regret was that I did not have a pile of ketchup through which to drag it, and a heapin' helpin' of chili cheese fries to go with it. Actually, that is not true, I regret not being able to take a camera into the R&D center with which to digitally capture the most interesting fare.

3. We had a huge if not interesting bowl of soup for lunch. There were various vegetables in it, and a few different kinds of animal products, including very small (and very whole including legs and everything) shrimp and something that somewhat resembled small chunks of beef. There was also a bright orange pickled root of some sort (a beet, I think), but the best part was definitely the two rice balls, about the size of baseballs. These were made of rice and had some small vegetables in them (beans and whatnot) and were covered in the same kind of seaweed we Westerners are used to encountering at sushi restaraunts. Truth be told, they kind of tasted like sushi but without the fish. The novelty was just that they looked very funny to me, like the kind of thing an uninterested child would make with his mashed potatoes and lima beans when made to sit at the dinner table and finish the meal with Mom and Dad. Just grab that stuff and make a ball out of it. Fun!

More fun stories to come, including a somewhat alarming trip to an underground bar called the Pink Lady (we probably should have known better), mountain climbing while under the residual effects of entirely too much alcohol the previous night (DEFINITELY should have known better), and why giving a cab driver in Seoul the stationary with the address of your hotel does not necessarily mean he has a clue where you want to go (at least now I do know better).

Kam-sa ham-ni-da!

What Am I Forgetting?

I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t, I mean, s-m-a-r-t. 5 weeks after I created this blog, and now I am finally starting to post. Step 1 - figure out how to set my default language to English, since the computer recognizes a Korean IP address and changes everything to Hangeul: Check. Step 2 - go back and add entries for my first five weeks in Korea: pending.